If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So much Jack, so little girl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
