I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
