the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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