It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
