six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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