I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
