Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
