and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
