I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
