I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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