she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
