I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
