is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
