dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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