Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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