i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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