we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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