Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
