Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
