Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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