You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
