Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
