I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
