i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
