ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
