I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
