when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
