It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
