Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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