3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
