it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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