What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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