Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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