too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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