Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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