Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
