When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
