Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
