I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
