it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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