Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
