Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize