my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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