I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
