i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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