If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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