So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
