And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
