Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All the doctor said was why
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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