the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
