how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
did you just send me my own nude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
