I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
