Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
These tits shall not be calmed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
