He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
