cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
