when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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