I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
