I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
