you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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