i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
