I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
