he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
