I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
