When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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