guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
