i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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