if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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