i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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