Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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