the condom got lost in my hair
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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