You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
