I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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