direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
