how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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