so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
